The Amish Cook from Oasis Newsfeatures

An interest in Amish courtship

By Bill Kavanaugh
For The Daily Item

October 24, 2009 04:43 pm

— Amish romance novels are hot-selling items in book stores across the nation. So hot even the Wall Street Journal recently ran a front page story on the explosion.
It cited author Beverly Lewis as having sold 13.5 million copies of her books and Wanda Brunstetter over 4 million, in a genre that’s come to be known as “bonnet books.”
Some of these stories take place in Pennsylvania.
Romance novels have long been a popular fiction category, but why the sudden interest in the Amish variety?
Perhaps it’s a hunger to learn more about this quiet religious group known for its pious lifestyles, shunning automobiles, televisions and many modern conveniences. Or, it might be a desire to reconnect with an innocence believed to have been lost in today’s world.
Besides, how can romance blossom without a car, without text messages or even phones in the house? An Amish minister from the area, who asked to remain unidentified, said that among the Amish, courtship usually begins at 18-19 years of age. Almost always the girl is someone the boy has come to know through youth group activities, such as volleyball games or singing groups.
“It’s not very often that she would be a total stranger,” said the minister.
It’s always the young man who does the asking, but if he’s shy, or slow to get around to it, what then?
“Usually she finds a way to get her point across,” he said.
In the past, dates were often arranged by letter. Today, many Amish have an answering machine in a phone booth, located outside the home. A boy will leave a message requesting the girl’s company, or will ask her to be in the booth at a given time so he can call back. Meetings are arranged for Saturday nights or Sunday evenings after a singing event.
Since courtship is a precursor to marriage, it’s taken seriously by the Amish. Divorce is not acceptable.
“You have to be pretty serious when courting because this is going to be your partner for life,” the minister explained.
Yet he estimated only 10-20 percent of courtships don’t make it to marriage. Usually the courtship lasts two to three years, with marriage rarely taking place before the young man is 21. “It’s the age when you’re a little more on your own,” he said.
With travel restricted to horse and buggy, dating the girl next door or a least nearby is a distinct advantage. But love finds a way. Some young men, such as the minister’s son, whose fiancee lives 27 miles away in Penns Valley (Centre County) put in some serious mileage.
“The rate of buggy travel averages 12 mph,” the minister said, “but with these mountains, you can figure about 8-10 mph.”
His son boards a second horse near her house so he can swap animals for the return trip, making it easier on each horse. The minister summed it up aptly: “You just have to plan ahead.”
He talked about a neighbor, an Amish girl, who has a boyfriend living in Wisconsin. They may only see each other once every two months, but write each other weekly and occasionally talk by phone.
The minister seemed bemused by the sudden interest in the bonnet romance novels.
“We’re just people like everybody else.” He then smiled reflectively, “Sometimes these are written to entertain, but it’s not always what really happens.”

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